Thoughts: What truly is living life to the fullest?

Hey guys, and welcome back to my blog!

As some of you are probably aware, I have been taking a break from blogging from the past few weeks as I've been on my first 'proper' clinical placement as part of my course, in the elderly rehabilitation ward in a busy hospital. It's a bit of a deep post, even for me, but one I felt oh-so-compelled to write.

We're told that death is as fundamental a part of a life as birth. Every living creature that has ever walked this earth will one day, pass on. It's an inevitability that will come for each one of us one day regardless of our nationality, wealth, sexual orientation and gender.

You can die at any age of course, but obviously your chance of dying increases the older you get, and this is something that the elderly patients and their spouses are so aware of.

Over the duration of the placement, I frequently worked with patients that were entering or had entered end of life care. Honesty comes to the fore front as there is literally no time left for anything else. Most of the time, the patient will say that they are satisfied with the way their life turned out - they married, they had children, they had a good career, they traveled to exotic parts of the world.

But there is the unsatisfied patients. The laments. The sadness of a life gone by. They spent more time in the office than travelling the world. They didn't get the chance to fall in love and spend the rest of their lives with someone who loved and cared for them. They didn't spend enough time with their children because they were more concerned with making more pounds.

Perhaps it's morbid, but I couldn't walk out of that ward without reflecting on my own mortality; not necessarily about death itself but more about not living while you're still alive.

It's a cliché, but I often see these quotes similar to the one I've posted below on social media about "living life to the fullest" and "not having any regrets". I wonder really how many people actually live by these quotes, or are they just something posted to gain more likes? What really is living life to the fullest and not having any regrets?

I suppose it's difficult when you're still alive and in relatively good health to not really think too much about the inevitability of death; after all, we have what often feels forever left. Tellingly, on the train journey home each day from placement, I noticed the abundance of  people glued to their mobiles or laptops, completely disengaging with their companions or even the beautiful breathtaking view of the mountains passing us by, more focused on what was happening on social media sites than in the present moment. But sometimes, it may be a good idea to remind ourselves an odd time that we are not immortal, we are fragile, and human, and as much as we'd like it to be, our lives are not infinite. It's all worth bearing in mind that our lives could end tomorrow. In my opinion, I believe that most people do not live their lives to the fullest due to fear and consequently,  reach the end of their lives with regrets and these laments I've mentioned I saw all too often on hospital wards.

I'm a person that doesn't believe in regrets. Perhaps that's something that has come with time. Of course I have little regrets, the ones everyone has, like regretting I ate that massive takeaway or drank too much the other night, but they rarely last more than a day. I don't regret big "life changing" stuff. Sure, I've been in some situations I'd not like to be in again, and made some decisions that probably weren't the best but looking back, they taught me something, and at the time, they made perfect sense to me and if given the chance, I'd probably end up making the same decisions all over again. Even the most awful relationships or the most difficult time in your life teaches you things, and for me personally, I believe difficult times teach you more life lessons than 'good' times in your life, if only to learn from them for future reference (though in reality, that's easier said than done).

For those who may not know me personally, I'd describe myself as being quite a shy person around people I don't know all that well. It's usually down to a fear of embarrassing myself. It usually takes a couple of months before I start becoming very comfortable around people (and let my inner weirdness show). So even though I'm studying to be a health professional, the thought of placement where I'd have to communicate with strangers on a daily basis was enough to send me into a complete tizzy. But I knew it was something I had to  do and if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be able to do my dream career and live my life to the fullest. So what if I embarrassed myself in front of the patients? I'd dust myself off, and try again, I was (and still will be everyday) still learning. I certainty didn't want to be that person at the end of my life lamenting I hadn't been able to do the career I wanted to because fear happened to get in the way. Instead, I wanted to be the person that said I took a chance that not only gave me the satisfaction of having achieved my goals of a career but also a career that would help others reach their independence and learn to cope with their fears and their anxieties.

Another example I'll give you is with relationships. So many people are secretly in love with someone else, but afraid to tell them how they truly feel because of the fear of being rejected and possibly being grounds for humiliation.  It's not easy, but I always try to be as completely honest as I can about what I'm feeling about someone. If there's even the slightest inkling that I may have feelings for someone, I will act on it. I have a severe case of hopeless romantic which unfortunately means I'm more awkward and more nervous around someone I actually like, and which also means usually the person has sussed I feel something for them before I get the chance to be all gushy about it (usually over text, ah romance in the 21st century). No, not all of my declarations of love have ended up in happily ever after and contrary to what people may think, I have been rejected a bunch of times, but at the very least I was aware of where I stood (sometimes) and what if I brushed my fear aside for a moment and took a chance and it led to really being happy ever after? In that case I think it would be very worth it. Not saying that life is a Disney movie by any means, but it can be in certain areas.

I could give you dozen more examples of fear getting in the way of truly living your life, and these range from as something as simple as swimming in the sea to not wearing that beautiful dress. In each of these situations, place a hand on your heart and think to yourself: "I only have one life. It's simply now or never." Think of yourself at the end of your life, you certainty don't want to be having regrets of any sort attributed to fear.

Thank you for reading xx

Thoughts: Skinny Shaming

Cheryl Cole is a successful singer. After finding fame with Girls Aloud on Popstars, she has quite impressively managed to carve out a very successful solo career, with four albums under her belt, as well as a contract with L'Oreal, fashion and makeup credentials.

She came back on The X Factor judging panel after months of speculation and attended an audition in Manchester a few months ago. She popped a photo of herself wearing a black crop top and trousers on Instagram at the time and received a furore of abuse, being called a 'bag of bones' and what not.
Naturally, Cheryl could not help but respond in her usual fiery Geordie demeanor. I've attached a screengrab of her reply on Instagram for you to check out.

Cheryl did look slim, but hasn't she always? I'm not her biggest fan, but I personally thought her outfit was very cute and suited her, and I loved her hair and makeup.

But most importantly, Cheryl's reply - other than being a source of entertainment for tabloids to gossip about - got me thinking about the whole issue around "skinny shaming" - where women are critised for their slim physiques. Contrary to popular belief, it's not just plus sized women who are being body shamed and made feel ashamed of their body figures. I felt it was a personal issue for me as I am slim, too - probably even slimmer than Cheryl.

So often, people think they are paying me some kind of inverse compliment by saying I look thin.

"You have it easy" is the one comment I hear a lot, along with "You're so lucky, you don't need to go to the gym." I respond to these comments by asking firstly, "what do you define as having it easy?" Do you define it as not going to the gym? Yes, I do go to the gym, but because from studying health and fitness at college I realise the importance of keeping fit and healthy and the enormous benefits it brings to my heart, bones and muscles.Yes, I'm well aware that many people go to the gym for the intention to lose some excess weight, but plenty of people like myself go to the gym to simply get fit and get the heart rate pumping. I don't see it as a chore like many people do either, or that it's "hard work". I see it as something necessary for my health, like taking a shower, or brushing my teeth, that not only improves my mood and freshens my mind short term but may help to prevent some health issues further down the line too, so while people may say I'm "lucky" for "not having" to go, I think otherwise.

People struggle to understand that as a slim person, you may have insecurities too. The notion is completely foreign to many of them. It may come as a surprise, but many actually do have a lot of insecurities, many of these about our bodies, like pretty much every other human being on the planet. When I was a teenager, thanks to the influence of the media and the rise of "team curvy", I did feel quite insecure about the way I looked. These days, at the age of 23, after recognising that self-loathing really doesn't help and after a lot of growing up and realisation to do, I think I've started to finally accept my body shape the way it is. Don't get me wrong - there are some days I'd love a better bust or an arse to rival the Kardashians, if only to fit into string and strapless dresses, but I try to focus on the positive aspects of my body, and forget the rest. Having said that though, it isn't always the easiest thing to do, and it's something I'm continually working on.

The genes that I inherited from my mother's side mean that I have an incredibly fast metabolism; my mother was the same when she was my age. I went through a massive growth spurt when I was twelve that has just kept on going and has also contributed to keeping my weight at a constant slim level. I don't diet, no, but I do like to eat a balanced diet. With university and work, that isn't always possible - there are some weeks where I live off pasta and pizza and I am addicted to Haribos Starmix sweets - but generally I make an effort to prepare salads or a healthy stirfry as I can really see the benefits in my skin, hair, nails and overall health and have tons more energy (to get these pesky essays done!). I disagree with the use of "diets" anyways. I firmly believe eating little and often, with a good selection of food groups, drinking plenty of water and trying to avoid the bits like chocolate, sweets, pizza and alcohol till once a week, does a better job with both maintaining your weight and works wonders for your health too, rather than these stupid diets, many of which have been proven inconclusive and damaging to not only your physical but your mental health.

I realise that people are people, and by nature, have opinions. I would even go as far as to say that I'm a very opinionated person. But everything I have an opinion on is backed up by cold, hard facts. Even when I wrote about my thoughts on women's rights and abortion debate in my home country Ireland, I wrote about it in a very objective way, keen not to take one side or another side and to not insult anyone that may disagree or agree with the use of abortion, because after all, I don't want anyone to become insulted by what I write. I know it may not appear so, but why I write these "thoughts" blog posts is not to rant, trust me.

But what I can't handle is the way people can be so very forward with their opinions, especially on social media, and for the most part, it's not always in a nice way and completely lacking some kind of facts or concrete evidence. They often feel it's their duty to tell slim people they don't really know (like the person who didn't know Cheryl), to "fatten up and eat a burger" or that they look "sick and ill".

I feel like saying to these people who tell slim people to "fatten up" - "thanks for the concern", but who or what made you their personal nutritionist or mother?

It's even more appaling for me when someone says these things to me, because I wouldn't dare tell someone to "stop eating" or to "go to the gym" or say they are "ill" because frankly - IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

There seems to be an abundance of people who seem to want to attack "skinny bitches", and the sad thing - like Cheryl said - is that it's mostly women on other women. Whatever happened to "girl power" and supporting others in a feminist act? Clearly that disappeared with Christina Aguilera and leather chaps in 2004 if my daily Instagram feed is anything to go by.

I'm quite active on Instagram as I promote my blog heavily on there, and I constantly read these thin-shaming posts posted by other women: "Real men like curves, only dogs go for bones".

Eh, what?

I'm no expert in the world of relationships, but I'd assume that if a guy is making an effort to go out with you and wants to be your boyfriend, the pivotal thing is that he should be attracted to your body shape. A "real" man or woman is someone who accepts people the way they are, and doesn't try to change them, and while I'm not saying you should go for someone you're simply not attracted to, surely apparance is a minor issue when it comes to choosing a mate, maybe even 10%? I feel a caring nature and a solid personality is much more important and are personally the things I would value the most in a potential boyfriend. If someone didn't want to be with me based on my body shape, I would just tell them what to do with themselves (that's a nice way of saying it!), there's more fish in the sea, etc etc. Plus, I find the term "dog" more than bit insulting and cannot believe in 2016 that this is even allowed to be printed as some sort of justification for skinny shaming and - worse still - used as an insult between women.

Whilst doing some research for this post, I came across this charming statement that basically implied that because women have a thigh gap it means they are promiscuous. Needless to say that that statement is complete and utter bullshit.

There's no denying that Meghan Trainor's 2014 hit All About That Bass was catchy as hell, but a closer listen to the lyrics showed that it involved some skinny shaming. Again, it's similar to what I've mentioned above about relationships and guys not finding girls that are slim appealing: "boys like a little booty to hold at night", but also constantly referring to slim women as "skinny bitches". Yes, it's quite right to disagree with the use of photo-shop to slim down women into an unrealistic body shape like is the norm in many "celebrity" magazines, but "bitches" is a bit too much in my opinion, and in case many of you may have forgotton, is actually an insult. This is a very concerning notion for me as young people are very influenced by music and lyrics and may believe that this is a true reflection of society, hence adding more fuel to the already burning out of control attack on slim women. I can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable on a drunken night out when this is played and everyone sings it loudly (though quite badly!) around me.

Another image I found online, from the drivel that is "Some E Cards", is the image you will see on the right. Well, where to start with this one?! I'm speechless to say the very least. I felt so angry at this incredibly warped notion that I actually sent a very strongly worded email to this company, whose E Cards I previously did think were humerous - I think it's absolutely beyond the realms of stupidity. The idea that slim women don't make good mothers is absolutely such a ridiculous concept that I'm not going to even expand on how it's all sorts of wrong! Also, to mention the Holocaust in these sort of greeting cards just adds further insult to injury. Girls such as myself being metabolically and genetically slim naturally is completely different to a sadistic event that claimed the lives of innocent million Jews, homeosexuals and disabled people across Europe and I find it horrendous that this company would state that they are similar. And I like to think when I do have a child someday, that I will be slim, not from "starving to death", but rather from working my arse off day and night to make sure they are provided with everything they might require!

I'd just like to clarify that this blogpost is really not an attack on any plus sized women, or any other woman in general. I'm really glad that plus sized women (and men!) are being treated equally in terms of working, fashion and society in general, like it should be. I'd also like to make it very clear that this is not a pro-anorexia blogpost; there is a difference between a girl who is naturally slim and someone who has a psychological disorder and intentionally restricts calories. But these preconceived idiotic notions and negative attitudes towards body figures really need to stop. We need to appreciate that every body is beautiful. Eat healthily, do some exercise if you want or have a pizza and slob on the couch if you want - whatever makes you happy. Just be happy in your own body, because when you're happy in your own skin, you don't have reason to hate on others, and that to me, is what truly makes you beautiful.

 

Hope you enjoyed this blogpost - thanks for reading! xx

Beauty - Review of Nivea Micellar Water and Extra Gentle Eye Make Up Remover

As far as make up removers go, I'd quite happily use Garnier Micellar water (review of that product is HERE), for the rest of my life. But, as a blogger, so it's really important for me to always be on the lookout for new things to try out. And a change is always good, right?

When I posted an offer relating to the Garnier micellar water on my Instagram (HERE, please do follow me), a fellow blogger commented that the Nivea version was a far better product. Intrigued, when I finished my Garnier one, I decided to skip into Superdrug and buy this Nivea one. At the time, Superdrug were having an offer on Nivea products - buy one, get one free - so I bought this Nivea micellar water for £4.09 and their Daily Essentials Gentle Eye makeup remover. But now, the Nivea micellar water will set you back £4.09 in Superdrug (it's slightly cheaper at £3.69 at Boots) and the eye makeup remover will cost you £3.59 in Superdrug (although it is £2.58 at a Lloyd's Pharmacy).

I'll talk a little about the micellar water first. First off, you get less product here than you do with the Garnier one; The Nivea micellar water is 200ml whereas the Garnier one is 400ml. I bought the one for Sensitive skin, and it can be used on both face and eyes. The label states that it contains dexpanthenol. Don't panic though, this is actually just an active ingredient that has moisturising properties. It also contans Grape Seed Oil, which also plays a role in keeping skin soft and supple.

I couldn't get any noticeable smell off the Garnier one, but there is a smell off the Nivea micellar water; almost alcohol like. I applied it to a cotton pad and used it to remove my makeup. So far, so good. I think I've mentioned before that my skin is dry, but it felt really super dry after using this. After using the Garnier micellar water, I didn't feel the need to moisturise my skin after, however I had to after using this guy. It stung a little around my eye area, but with a strong smell like that, I can't say I was completely surprised.

Probably the most irritating thing about this micellar water is the smell is such that it lingers on your hands after application, and it's quite strong too, so do wash your hands with some kind of handwash before touching food or the smell will obviously transfer. Although a sneaky tip I discovered last week: if your hands get stained from applying tan, a bit of this on a cotton pad should erase that mistake pretty easily!

Right, now onto the Extra Gentle Eye Make Up remover. The smell is quite strong in this guy too, but if you've ever used Nivea products before, you'll know the similar smell they all have. I applied to a cotton pad and used it to remove my eye makeup. However, it stung so so so bad! So much so that my eyes became red and flared. I was wearing contact lenses at the time, so even though its label states it is sutiable for contact lens wearers, I waited till they were out again before trying again on a seperate day. Again, no luck. Nothing but serious stinging. "Extra gentle", my arse! It really annoys me when brands claim a product to be for sensitive skin when they're so obviously not!

Rating: 1/10.

Thoughts: Social Media - The Great Illusion

Following on from my blogpost about women's rights being restricted in Ireland (if you want to check that out please do so HERE), I have decided to do a blogpost every so often about my opinion on an issue in the news. (I'll try not to rant, and be as objective as possible).

So this blogpost was inspired by a news article I came across during the week, in which an Australian model named Essena O'Neill made the decision to shut down all her social media sites, like YouTube, Instagram, Facebook etc. As it was ironically flooding pretty much every form of social media I use, I decided to check out the article and the reasons behind it. Basically, she explained she shut down her social media sites because she felt it was "fake" and "an illusion". She said that people saw her as this "blond, confident model" but behind the scenes she was a "lonely and depressed teenager".

Of course, the critics waded in, claiming she just did it for attention and maybe she has done, as it did propel her from a virtual unknown only really known in the land down under to all over the globe, but whatever her reasons for doing what she did, it did get me thinking about social media. Initially, Facebook was created as a means of communication between people, Twitter was created for a similar (albeit, shorter!) reason, and Instagram was created as a visual way of communication. In many ways, it has greatly improved the way we live. Just before I moved over, my Dad spoke about when he was in my situation when he was in his twenties, having moved from Ireland to England. The only form of communication he had with family members was a letter every few months. Telephones were not as common as they are now and mobile phones didn't come into existence until decades later. Needless to say, there was no such thing as Skype or even a computer, so he didn't see them at all until he actually travelled home occasionally to see them in the flesh. Compare it with my experience today; having moved over to England, I have Facebook to keep in contact with family members friends in Ireland as well as well as my new classmates, Skype to see my family and friends back home and Instagram allows me to communicate my visual experiences of my new life here as well as seeing a visual representation of my friends and families life back home, every one of these accessible through my mobile phone.

As a blogger, I find social media invaluable for reaching my target audience. I'm not so keen on Facebook, as it only allows a few to see your posts at any one time unless if you have plenty of money to fork out (which needless to say as a student, I don't have), but I'm very active on Twitter and Instagram and as well as promoting my blog on these forms of social media, it's great to interact with other bloggers, who are for the most part very supportive and encouraging.

There is however the flip side of the coin, which is in a nutshell is what led O'Neill to her social media exit. I'm not going to discuss cyber bullying here; I feel like that's an issue so big that a whole blog dedicated to it couldn't even do it justice. And I'm also not going to go into how it's a huge method of distraction and procrastination tool. I, for one, have not been under any illusions since I've started using social media, especially Facebook, that it's just that: an illusion. It's human nature to highlight your best bits and leave out the not-so-good bits, which is why you're more likely to see a university graduation snap rather than someone making the emotional decision to drop out of university (for whatever reason). You're more likely to post a snap of a "lovely" family photo rather than the photo where the young kids have been arguing. You're more likely to take a selfie with full make up and a pretty dress on rather than one with no makeup and your pyjamas on. You use an Instagram or a Snapchat filter because your skin isn't so good. We've all been there, myself included, I'll hold my hands up and admit to that. But we need to take a step back an odd time and realise that this is not necessarily "real" life at all. 

Some people have an addiction to social media, and feel they can't "function" without it. The addiction to likes, the addiction to having a huge number of Facebook "friends". Lonliness and isolation and the struggle with identity of self and where you fit in (especially as a teenager) means that social media is something that people cling to that they feel will provide them with some stability and a means of belonging. Everything from a new relationship to a new job is posted online. Growing up, it was something that tended to frustrate me. Why did people I did not percieve as being nice have more Facebook friends than me? Why did this girl get more likes than me on Instagram? These are insignificant matters now, and the days where I used to get frustrated if my selfie didn't get more likes on Facebook or Instagram are now thankfully gone and buried with the rest of my teenage years. Today I only add people as Facebook friends if I genuinely like them (I have to really like them if they tend to post a lot!) and ignore the other requests, and I won't take it personally if my selfie doesn't reach 200 likes on Facebook.

I have made no secret of the fact I find the way mental illness is addressed on social media is insufficient to say the very least. I remember some years ago watching a YouTube clip by the comedian Kevin Breel, in which he spoke in a similar way to O'Neill, in which he said that he thought that mental health was not being addressed on social media, because it's "not fun, it's not light" and as a result people just don't see the severity of it. People would rather speak about cancer it seems, and before you jump down my throat, I'm not pitting both against one another; they are both horrible diseases to be faced with, and I speak as someone whose family member has gone through cancer - but why are we more likely to talk about one than the other on social media? This in my eyes only creates a world where people who are suffering with a mental illness feel like they cannot admit their problems, which only threatens to make the problem ten times worse. I, for one have been trying to be more vocal with my own issues with mental illness on social media - however emotionally difficult it is - because I feel it might encourage someone else to feel that they are not alone, but I feel sometimes like I'm the only one that does it and I often feel discouraged when I get more views for other blogposts about fashion or makeup than writing about my experiences with an invisible illness of the mind. I believe that social media plays a prominent part in mental illness; not so much causing it but definitely not helping it. I mean, how many times have you innocently scrolled through your Facebook feed in a bad mood, only to see something that makes you feel more down, be it a photo of the guy you like with his new girlfriend, or a picture of someone younger than you graduating when you haven't really decided what you're doing with your life. I'd go as far as to say that it literally changes your mood in an instant. We start to compare our real life situations with other people's highlight reel. The issue of jealousy stemming from one's use with social media is something that has undergone several studies, but you don't need any expert to tell you this. Social media jealousy ends up fragmenting relationships and friendships, which is pretty much the opposite aim of why it was created in the first place!

Ironically, as people spend more and more time online and we tend to live in a fast paced, commerical world, it's easier to communicate with others through an online group or message than actually making the time to meet up with the person in "real" life, leading to feelings of loneiness and isolation.

 To read more about Essena's story see: http://fox6now.com/2015/11/04/social-media-is-an-illusion-insta-famous-australian-teen-shuts-down-social-media-accounts/

To check out the Kevin Breel YouTube clip I mentioned, see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3yqXeLJ0Kg

Hope you enjoyed this post!

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